its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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