My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
