Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
