Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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