We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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