Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
