Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
