the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
