She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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