Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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