I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
