I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
