Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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