we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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