i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize