What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
