all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
