If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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