Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
