What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
