I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
