So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
