i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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