Pappa wants mamma naked
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize