Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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