Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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