Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
