were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
