can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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