a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
