Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
