Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
