He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What drink are we having for lunch?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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