Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize