dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
