Yo dont text me then not text me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
