I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
this hospital has no fireball
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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