I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
