You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
