sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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