so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
