everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
