No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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