i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
porn star boner night. come get it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
