I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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