We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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