My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
