Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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