grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
