i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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