$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
