i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize