I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize