Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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