OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
