why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am naked and annoyed.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
