i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
