Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
