I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize