i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
