dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
