do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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