Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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