it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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