I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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