I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
