RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
