About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
