i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
