Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
