I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
