I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
