We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
