Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
